


Shattered

by Owlsofthenight



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Best Friends, Depersonalization Disorder, Depression, Drama, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Reincarnation, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-12-14 20:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11791065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlsofthenight/pseuds/Owlsofthenight
Summary: "What happened?" Tyler asked from across the bed.Recalling any detail would be torture. Josh's brain had buried it deep down, supressing it for the sake of sanity. The only time he talked to anyone about it was with the police officers at the scene of the accident.But Tyler had the right to know about his own death.





	1. Repercussions

_“Let’s go out in flames so everyone knows who we are, ‘cause these city walls never knew that we’d make it this far.”_

~~**|/** ~~

He hated this car.

He hated the foreignness. The reason he had it. The constant reminder. He even hated the new-car smell.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. One night had changed his entire life. Every good memory, every good thing that had happened in the past, torn to shreds because of it. They say to remember the happy times, but how the hell can you?

How can you when you're sitting in an empty parking lot in the rain, listening to it beat down on the roof as you stare blankly through a blurry windshield?

When you feel completely and utterly destroyed inside. When you have no clue what you're about to do, but along with everything else that night, you also lost your sanity.

Josh stared at the building in front of him, his elbow resting against the door as he propped up his head. He was trying to stop the tears, but it was so hard. Whenever he felt like he had nothing left in him, another wave would hit. It was a wonder he got this far to begin with. It took every ounce of his diminished willpower to even leave the apartment.

Life was now a constant uphill climb and it felt like a weight was strapped to his back. He prayed it would get better, but that was why he was here.

Parked in front of this depressing structure that looked like a mix between a hospital and a factory.

He checked the clock on his phone. It was getting late, and they would be closing soon, but it wasn't as easy as he thought it was going to be. He thought he would be running in there the moment he pulled in, but he ended up sitting in an ocean of doubt for almost a full hour. Something about it felt wrong. Sickeningly, twistedly wrong.

Half of him wanted to believe that this would work, but the other half was trying to protect what was left of his shattered heart. His chest felt hallow because of it, and inside was an ache that would never go away, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't want to spiral down any further than he already was.

He pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his palms and wiped away the wetness from his eyes. He flipped down the visor and took a look at himself in the mirror.

His eyes were rimmed with redness, bloodshot, and underlined with darkness from lack of sleep- but it probably didn't matter. They must deal with clients who look like this all the time.

He stepped outside, not bothering to put up his hood as he walked to the front entrance. He was soaked once he got there, but was greeted by a kind and sympathetic smile by the receptionist at the front desk.

"Hello, do you have an appointment?"

"No, uh... no I don't."

"Okay hun, so what's your name?"

"Joshua Dun."

"How can we help you this afternoon?"

The chipper tone in her voice pissed him off, but he did his best to just let it go, "I... um..."

She sensed his hesitation and uncertainty, and gently asked, "RP?"

He ran a hand through his wet hair to get it off of his forehead, "Uh... yea."

"Alright, it looks like you're our last consultation of the day. You can have a seat over there. Someone will be with you shortly."

Josh headed to the waiting room and took a seat in the corner, a lone television that hung on a wall being the only source of sound to break up what would otherwise be silence. Magazines also sat scattered on a table to his side, but he chose to bite at his nails and swallow down the thick lump in his throat to pass the time.

"Mr. Dun?" A red haired woman, who had to be around the same age as him, stood in an open door across the room.

He instantly got up and walked over to her.

She smiled slightly, "This way, please."

She led him down a well-lit hallway, coated in fresh paint and decorated with plants and colorful paintings. Probably an attempt to counteract some of the bleakness, Josh thought.

They turned into a well-furbished room and the woman took a seat behind a desk. She began to flip through paperwork as Josh sat down in one of the black chairs in front of it, his nerves beginning to pick up.

Was it too late to jump out of a window and run away?

"First off, I'm so sorry for your loss." The woman spoke, sounding surprisingly genuine.

Josh blinked, only able to nod in reply.

"My name's Deborah Ryan, but you can call me Debby. I promise we'll do everything in our power to help you."

"Thanks." Josh had to force the word out of his dry throat.

"I'm just confirming- you're interested in applying for a reincarnation process, correct?"

Josh nodded.

"Okay, so we have a packet for you to take home. You'll have to collect a minimum of two signatures from the deceased person's family, and there's also some personal information..." She handed the papers forward, which he took, "...Some contact information from the morgue that we'll need. Stuff like that. Just try and return it as soon as possible. Time is a factor."

Josh stared at the logo on the top of the packet before setting it upside down on his lap.

"What will your method of payment be?"

"Cash."

She typed something into her computer, "Okay, we'll have you make the payment when you bring the paperwork back." She turned to look at him again, "Nothing is finalized until you say it is. Okay?"

He nodded, wishing that his shell of a body could put a little more effort into appearing thankful.

"Do you have any questions?"

He had no idea where to begin. Everything was always so overwhelming now.

There was only one thing he could think of.

"Does it work?"

"We have a 99.9 percent success rate. The packet briefly explains everything, but it essentially depends on the age of the body. We have to get what we need in order to do this while it's still... fresh, for lack of better words." She grimaced, "Sorry."

"But, like... it'll be him?"

"Physically identical, save for any scarring or other markings made on the skin during his previous life. Mentally, there will be some differences."

Josh tensed, "What do you mean?"

"Well, it takes time. At first, he may not remember anything. There's a slim chance he won't regain any memory of his past life, but most replacers are able to regain some sort of memory. Photos, videos... visiting locations that hold special meanings all help increase those chances. Then there comes personality... he'll be similar, but new experiences will shape him more than anything else. There's also a slight chance he'll experience some 'emotional glitches'." She made quotation marks with her fingers.

"Glitches?"

"Sudden outbursts. Usually frustration, but it passes and doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. It doesn't happen to every replacer, but it's not uncommon. We can go over more of this when you come back, if you want."

"Okay." Josh gripped the packet, tight enough to keep a good hold but loose enough not to crinkle it.

A quietness settled in the room.

"Do you mind me asking who he was to you?"

"My best friend."

~~**|/** ~~

Josh sat at the dining room table, his throat tight and mind numb as he looked across to Tyler's father, who took a seat as well.

"How have you been doing, honey?" Mrs. Joseph asked as she held a coffee mug between her hands.

He shrugged.

Not sleeping. Not eating. Constantly sobbing.

She wouldn't want to hear that.

"Alright... I guess. But how are you two?"

It was a dumb question with an obvious answer, but he felt the need to ask it out of politeness.

She sighed, "We're holding up the best we can."

Mr. Joseph rubbed her shoulder gently, "So what brings you here? Is anything wrong?"

"No..." Josh struggled to find the right words, having to swallow hard to get his voice to work again, "I... actually had something to ask."

"Sure, anything sweetheart." Mrs. Joseph leaned forward in her seat, paying close attention.

He didn't end up finding those words, so he pulled the papers out of his pocket and unfolded them- placing them on top of the table.

Mr. Joseph's eyes narrowed after he got a better look, "No. No. Absolutely not."

"What is this?" Mrs. Joseph asked as she inspected the pages.

"An application... for reincarnation." Josh quietly answered as he stared down at his hands.

She started to tremble and covered her mouth, tears threatening to spill.

"Josh, have you lost your mind?" Tyler's father asked incredulously.

Yes.

"I want him back... so bad." Josh whimpered.

"Not like this, son. It can't be like this. It's unnatural. There's so many things wrong with this... so many things that _can_ _go_ wrong. He's gone, and we all have to learn to accept that. We have to give him peace." 

Josh inhaled sharply after holding back a sob, "But this works! I've seen it. You've seen it. There's fully-functioning replacers everywhere now!"

Mrs. Joseph suddenly pushed out her chair and made her way upstairs, tears streaming down her face.

"The answer is no, Josh. _Please_." The older man's voice broke, so he took a moment to calm down, "You need to take care of yourself. You don't look good. Tyler wouldn't want this for you."

Josh didn't look up as Mr. Joseph took off after his wife.

The one last flicker of hope inside him had been thoroughly extinguished. His one last chance to get his best friend back. Somehow, the pain began to hurt even worse than before.

But he suddenly thought of something.

He grabbed the packet and made sure no one was around as he snuck into the kitchen, searching across counter tops and inside drawers until he found what he was looking for.

An assortment of papers.

Junk mail, bills, miscellaneous paperwork... a copy of a document with both of their signatures on the front.

Josh pulled out his phone and took a quick picture, tossing everything back where he had found it before leaving.

~~**|/** ~~

Debby flipped through the papers, double checking to make sure everything was filled out, not batting an eye at the forged names, "Okay, excellent. I'll submit this and we can get the process started."

Josh pulled his fingernail away from his teeth long enough to speak, "How long does it take?"

"The extraction takes an hour, sometimes less. The actual formation process... usually a week or two." She watched as he nervously adjusted in his seat, "Is that alright?"

"Yea... I'm just..."

"Nervous?"

He nodded, "I just want him back."

That seemed to be his new catchphrase.

"And you will. You can pick him up as soon as he's ready. You'll get a phone call... I know we covered a lot, but do you have any other questions?"

Josh shook his head.

Debby got up and walked over to him, placing a hand on his back, "I wish you nothing but the best. He must be special to have someone like you."

Tyler was special- and so, so much more.

**~~|/~~ **

The next week and a half dragged by slowly. 

Josh's emotions varied between numbness, which he experienced the most at work, insufferable sadness, which he experienced the most at home, and guilt, which held no boundaries. He almost wished he hadn't done this, but the phone call that finally came that afternoon changed it all.

His heart raced as he tried not to speed, but he just couldn't get there fast enough.

He had faked sickness to get off of his shift, because, well... this was a difficult thing to explain to the boss. He wished he could share his excitement with everyone, but he knew it was best to keep quiet for now. It had to stay a secret, and Josh could only hope it would be worth it in the end.

He entered through the main entrance once again and recognized the same woman from last time sitting behind the front desk, who smiled happily as he walked over.

Josh cut to the chase, "He's here?"

The woman's smile grew wider, "He's here."

Debby came into the room, "Wow, you got here fast."

"I left work early. Where is he? I want to see him."

"Of course! I just need you to sign a few things before we bring him out. Come with me."

Josh followed her back to the office and began to read over the paper she handed him, "What's this?"

"A liability waiver. It's nothing major, just something we're legally obligated to do. It states that we're not responsible for the individual's actions or anything that happens to him in the future. Any possible repercussions."

Josh furrowed his brow.

Debby leaned forward, "He's his own person, Josh. Not an object that we, or anyone else, owns. He's free to continue a life he wouldn't have had if it weren't for this program."

"But what do you mean by 'possible repercussions'?" 

Debby sighed, "The replacer could have some sort of flaw."

"Why, what kind of flaws?"

"It's nothing to worry about, it doesn't happen often. There's just a slight chance for some medical issues like epilepsy, short term memory loss, anxiety, depression, spontaneous death..."

"Woah, wait- spontaneous death?"

"Yes... I mean, the reincarnation process is a very complex thing. There's so much to it. Creating a clone of someone has to be done so precisely. If one thing is off, the body can fail."

Josh's blood ran cold as he fell into a daze.

"Josh?"

He snapped out of it and looked up at Debby's concerned, amber eyes.

"It doesn't mean it will happen." She reassured.

He nodded, but the fear was still there. He couldn't lose him again. He wouldn't be able to handle it.

He took a minute to skim over the waiver form, making sure it was what she said it was. Not like he didn't trust Debby, but this wasn't something to take lightly.

He signed on the lines and rested the pen on top of it, sliding it back to her.

"Can I offer some advice?" She asked.

"Sure."

"As expected, he doesn't remember anyone, or anything. As much as you'll want to hug him and show him the same kind of affection you would've before, try not to. You're a stranger to him... at least for now."

Josh fought back tears, "Does he... does he know?"

"He knows that he was reincarnated. He doesn't know how he died, though. We can't legally tell him, but you can- if you choose to."

He cleared his throat and tried to stop thinking about it. His head was close to spinning.

"So... are you ready?"

He shouldn't have to be. He should still be living his life, the events from a few days ago nonexistent.

His best friend should be getting married to his beautiful fiancée soon. They should be putting the final touches on their wedding and making sure all the arrangements had been made.

Instead, a funeral was being planned.

Josh was as ready as he could be.

"Yes."

He turned in his seat to watch as Debby opened the door, waving for someone out of sight who wasn't there before, "You can come in now."

Josh stopped breathing, the air feeling as though it had been sucked from his lungs as the tall, brunette boy hesitantly entered the room.

After glancing around, he slowly met Josh's gaze, and Josh jumped out of his seat. He stood a few feet away as he continued to stare.

His eyes. His hair. His slender frame. Even the facial expression he had now.

It was Tyler.

The only differences being that his hair was shorter, he had no tattoos, and his clothes looked like a prison outfit.

Josh wanted to wrap his arms around him, to feel proof that he was really there, but he remembered what Debby had said.

He could tell he wouldn't want that either, just by the look in his eyes. He was nervous, and Josh couldn't blame him. He was nervous, too.

Josh wiped his face and smiled weakily, "Hi."

"Hi."

His voice was even the same, and it sent chills up Josh's spine.

What the hell else was he supposed to say?

"Uh... h-how do you feel?"

Tyler nodded as he picked at a section of the grey fabric he was wearing, "Alright. Alive, I guess."

"I... I can't believe you're really..." Josh looked down at the ground and stopped talking.

He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He didn't want to freak him out anymore than he already was.

Debby rested a hand on Josh's arm, "Are you okay?"

"Yea. Yea, of course I am... I just never thought..."

Tyler watched on wordlessly.

"I'm just happy to see you." He tried to smile, but the edge of his lips quivered.

They stood there for a minute before Debby turned to Tyler, "Well, you're free to go my friend. Josh is going to help you get on your feet and find your bearings out there. It was nice meeting you, and I'm so glad you got this opportunity."

She went to hug him, and to Josh's surprise, he hugged back.

He wasn't sure why that caught him off guard. Debby was familiar to him, and one of the only people he knew right now.

"Thanks." 

Josh wished he spoke more. He wanted to hear his voice. And now, as they walked out of the building, he also wished he had brought a change of clothes for him. He hadn't planned that far ahead.

And now he hated how awkward he felt as they sat in the car. This was his best friend, the guy he had known for several years, but at the same time- it wasn't.

He wasn't sure how to break the ice, but he grabbed the cable running down from the radio and plugged in his phone, "Do you like music?"

"I... don't know. Do I?"

Josh looked up at him, "Well, uh... yea. You used to."

"Then yea."

It really hadn't occurred to Josh how tough this was going to be until now.

He wanted to tell him not to just agree with what he said, but he didn't know how to. He decided to just hit shuffle and drive to whatever came on first, which ended up being a song by the Killers. One of Tyler's favorites.

Every once in a while, Josh glanced over at the boy- pretending everything was back to normal.


	2. Family Reunion

“Sorry it's such a mess." Josh apologized as he shoved an empty cardboard box aside with his boot.

Tyler followed behind, looking around the apartment. There were stacks of boxes and plastic bins lining the walls. The couch had just been placed in a random spot off to the side, and by the looks of it, so had the rest of the furniture.

Josh picked up a dirty glass and plate from the coffee table and placed it next to a full kitchen sink, "I kind of just moved... haven't really had the chance to settled in yet."

Tyler wondered around a little before making his way back over, "Is this because I died?"

The way he had asked such a disturbing question, so simple and unperturbed, was morbid.

It made Josh freeze, but he soon had to swipe a thumb across his eye, "Uh... no, not really."

Tyler nodded and walked over to an open box that sat on top of an end table, picking up a picture frame that sat inside.

The photo was one of Josh and a group of people at Christmas time. An older man had on a Santa hat while everyone smiled appropriately for the camera, except for Josh- who was forcing a grin so hard that his eyes were squinted shut.

"Is this your family?"

"Yea." Josh began to point them out, "That's my dad, my mom, my sisters Abigail and Ashley, Ashley's husband, and my brother Jordan."

As Tyler gently set the frame back down, he recognized his name written in sharpie on one of the boxes, "What's that?"

"Oh... that's some of your stuff. Your family took most of it, but those are just some clothes and..."

Tyler lifted up a ukulele and inspected it, "Was this mine?"

"Yea."

He strummed the strings. They were out of tune and should have sounded unpleasant, but it was Tyler- which instantly made it the greatest sound in the world.

"So I lived with you?" He asked as he continued to play around with the instrument.

"Yea, you did... but you were moving out soon."

"How come?"

"Well... you were engaged and..."

Tyler sealed his eyes, "Never mind, maybe we shouldn't talk about that yet."

Josh mentally agreed.

Tyler sat the ukulele down on the couch and opened up the box. A white shirt with black designs along the hems unfolded as he held it. A shirt that looked to be inside out.

The pathetic thing was- Josh could instantly recall a specific time he had seen it on the boy.

Tyler pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and hung them over his arm, "Do you care if I go change?"

"No, of course not. You don't have to ask permission for anything. I mean... you used to eat all my Doritos and leave the empty bag in the cabinet for me to..." Tyler's unwavering stare caused him to give up on the joke, "You can use my bedroom. It's right over there."

Josh watched as Tyler followed his instructions and closed the door behind him.

He sighed and tilted his head back just as there was a knock at the front door.

His eyes widened, "Shit."

"Josh, are you home?" A female's voice came from the other side.

He kept quiet.

"I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your girlfriend by coming in anyway!"

The energetic, platinum blonde haired girl entered through the, much to Josh's dismay, unlocked door.

Her smile turned into a look of confusion, "Are you okay, babe?"

"Yea, I'm fine. Why?"

She approached him suspiciously, "Why didn't you answer then?"

"Uh... I was going to, I was just..."

Her jaw suddenly dropped. She took an unsteady step back, covering her mouth and letting out a shaky exhale as her eyes filled with tears.

Josh looked over his shoulder to see Tyler standing in the doorway to the bedroom.

Halsey was on the verge of hysterics, "T-Tyler?!" But before either one of them could say anything, she was crashing into his chest and squeezing him tightly, almost knocking him over.

Tyler didn't know what to do besides place a hand on her back and stare at Josh.

~~**|/** ~~

"Who else knows?" Halsey asked, careful to keep her voice down from Tyler, who was watching television in the other room.

"No one."

"What?! But then how did you get..."

"I forged the signatures." Josh whispered.

She placed a hand on either side of her head, her elbows resting on her knees as she sat at the edge of the bed, "Jesus, Josh..."

"I had to do it..."

"How did you even pay for it?"

"My share from selling the house."

Halsey rubbed her face and watched him pace back and forth, "So... now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

"No, not yet."

"So, when are you?"

"For Christ," Josh cut himself off and lowered his voice, "For Christ's sake, Hals, he doesn't even remember a single thing about anyone... not you... not even me... he's like talking to a ghost."

"What do you mean?"

"He... asks about himself. It's like... he's him on the outside, but on the inside... he's a complete stranger." Josh stopped in front of the window and looked outside, "... Did I do something wrong?"

Halsey frowned as she got up to wrap her arms around the front of him, "You didn't do anything wrong, babe. You have a heart of gold and you'd do anything for those you love. Doing this just proves it."

Josh gripped her wrists and took a deep breath.

"Everything's going to be okay."

Josh hoped she was right.

~~**|/** ~~

In the light of a lamp, haphazardly plugged in and placed on the coffee table, Josh sat on the ground- surrounded by photos. He sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve as he looked around at the scattered memories.

Tyler had wanted to organize them all into photo albums, and Josh remembered always scoffing at that.

_"Who needs photo albums when you have a laptop?"_

Looking back, he's grateful Tyler never listened to him.

There was a picture of the two of them, back when Josh had purple hair. Tyler was leaning over and blocking his face while making peace signs with his fingers, and Josh was in the middle of a laugh.

There was another from the same time period, during one of their trips. They stood on a city sidewalk with backpacks on, smiling in absolute bliss. Josh wondered what he had said to cause the brunette to look over at him the way he did.

The ones that got him, though, were the ones with Jenna in them.

A red-nosed and rosey-cheeked couple standing out in a wintery landscape, which emphasized her ice-blue eyes and red lips. Tyler stood at her side, their shoulders pushed together as if they were holding hands out of sight.

Another one of them in, what looked to be, London. Everything in the distance was blurred. She tilted her head up with a grin and caught an unsuspecting Tyler in the background.

And then Josh reached down for the one that caught his eye the most. He held it up delicately, as though it would disintegrate in his hand.

They were on a beach with clear-blue skies and a rolling wave hitting the shore. Jenna was wearing one of Tyler's black hoodies with half of her hair up in a messy bun as he kissed the side of her cheek.

It wasn't fair. Love like that was too pure and rare to get destroyed.

Tyler had too much to live for.

_It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair._

It upset Josh that he was still crying. He was mourning, even though Tyler was asleep in the other room. It shouldn't be like this.

His best friend was alive again. This could work. Life might get better again.

"Josh?" A raspy voice came from the hallway.

He rushed to dry his face before looking up, "Hey."

"What are you doing? ...What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing, I was just... going through some old photos. Trying to sort them out." Josh began to pick up, putting them away in an empty container.

"At three o'clock in the morning?"

He shrugged, "Couldn't sleep."

Tyler took a seat on the couch behind him and studied what images remained, "Wait-" He pointed to one and chuckled, "Is that..."

"Yea." Josh smiled feebly as he handed it to him.

A selfie Tyler had taken. Josh and him were in matching swim trunks, standing in front of a mirror and flexing an arm.

"Woah, you had a beard. And he had tattoos..."

"I."

Tyler looked cofused.

"You said 'he'...you mean 'I'."

Tyler looked back at the picture, "Oh... yea, I meant to say that."

Josh placed the container on the table and took a seat next to him, "So... why are you up?"

"Bad dream."

"About what?"

Tyler shook his head and placed the photo down, "Can't remember. It's happened before. I think it's the same dream, but I always forget it as soon as I wake up."

"I have nightmares, too." Although Josh was pretty certain they weren't about the same thing.

"You look tired." Tyler said as Josh yawned and scratched his head.

"I think I'm just permanently exhausted now."

"You can go to bed. I'm just gonna... stay out here, or something."

"You sure?" Josh asked as he got up.

"Yea."

"Okay, well... goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Josh made it to the doorway of the bedroom before he turned around, shyly looking back at Tyler, "Do you, uh... you can sleep in my bed with me if you want... you used to do that when you had... bad nights."

Tyler looked relieved by his offer and quickly got up to join him.

~~**|/** ~~

Josh was loading the dishwasher and unpacking when it happened.

Tyler walked into the kitchen and stood by the counter in a daze, but Josh hadn’t noticed him.

"I remember them."

Josh almost dropped the knife he had in his hand, "Holy crap, you scared me! ...Remember who?"

"Jay. Madison. Zack. My parents... I... I just had a memory... a _bunch_ of memories... I can remember them now."

Josh's face lit up, "You're kidding! That's... that's great! What about Jenna? Do you remember her too?"

"Who?"

Josh's heart sunk, "It's okay, I'm sure you'll remember her soon."

"Was that my fiancée?" Tyler asked somberly.

"Yea... yea, she was."

"Is she nice?"

"She is. She's the sweetest person... especially to you."

"I hope I remember her someday."

~~**|/** ~~

"Are you ready?" Josh glanced over at the boy who sat in the passenger seat.

"Yea."

He took a deep breath and mumbled to himself, "Well, here goes nothing."

They walked up the pathway, and Josh climbed the front steps to knock on the door. After a moment, Jay answered. At first, he smiled, but as soon as he caught a glimpse of his brother standing at the bottom of the stairs, he fell expressionless.

"Can we come in?" Josh asked.

"Yea... sure." He stepped aside for them to pass.

They walked through the house, following behind Jay, but Josh motioned for Tyler to stay hidden in the hallway just as they got to the living room.

"Josh is here." Jay's lack of emotion had become a bit concerning, but Josh greeted the rest of his family as usual.

Mrs. Joseph gave him a hug, "Hi sweetie."

Tyler's father stood up from a chair, "Glad to see you. We were worried... since our last visit didn't go so well."

Yea... about that.

Josh was about to stutter out something incoherent, but his attention was brought to Zack, who sat on the couch with earbuds in.

"He's not doing so well." Madison walked over, "He's really depressed. I'm surprised he's even sitting out here with us and not upstairs in his room."

She wasn't kidding when she said he was depressed. He had a hood pulled over his head and didn't even bother to look up from his phone to see who was here.

But it wasn't like Josh was in a position to judge.

"Jay, are you okay?" Madison asked.

He continued to stare forward, "I think I just saw a ghost."

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Joseph questioned.

"I don't know, how about you ask him?" Jay pointed to Josh.

Mrs. Joseph looked between the two, "Ask him what, hun?"

Strangely enough, Josh still hadn't grown accustomed to his heart pounding out of his chest.

He couldn't get his vocal chords to function as his mouth hung open. Luckily, he didn't have to say much as Tyler stepped around the corner and out into plain sight.

Initially, no one moved or said a word. They could only stare in shock. In complete and utter disbelief at what their eyes were seeing. As if he was an apparition who was about to walk straight through a wall.

"Tyler..." Mrs. Joseph spoke almost inaudibly as she slowly stepped towards him.

She reached out a shaking hand, holding it in the air to the side of his face before gently placing it on his cheek.

She gasped as tears began to build up in her eyes, "I-it's... it's really you."

Tyler sunk into her touch, "Hi, Mom."

She began to cry and pulled him into her embrace. Mr. Joseph was not far behind as he wrapped his arms around both of them, kissing Tyler's head as tears fell from his face.

Madison raised her hands, muffling her sobs as she quickly joined them.

Not long after, a hoarse voice disrupted the hug, "Tyler?"

Everyone turned to see Zack tugging the headphones out of his ears as he cautiously approached.

Jay sat down on the couch and stared at the floor.

"You... you were..." Zack's face twisted up as he rushed forward, everyone getting out of the way just in time for him to slam into Tyler and wrap his arms around him.

He buried his face in his chest as Tyler hugged him back.

**~~|/~~ **

"You went against what we said... You illegally forged our signatures..."

Josh hung his head, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't even cut it... do you have any idea what you've done?" Mr. Joseph was fighting to keep his voice down.

Josh looked over at Zack, who was asleep on the couch in the other room with his head on top of Tyler's lap. The older brother had his arm resting over the sleeping boy, and they looked so natural together.

As if nothing had changed at all.

"You..." Mr. Joseph gazed past Josh, his expression softening, "You gave me my son back."

Josh was taken off guard as he stared back at the man.

He was expecting to get disowned by the Josephs. To be told to never speak to them again for doing something so unforgivable. He wouldn't have blamed them at all.

But there was something different in Mr. Joseph's eyes as he admired the sight in the living room.

Mrs. Joseph sat next to Josh at the table, "You know, he's barely slept at all since... the accident."

Josh could sympathize with that.

"He... he reminds me so much of him."

"That's because it _is_ him, Mom." Madison defended from across the room, "Replacers aren't just look-a-likes..." She sighed, "I hate that they call them that."

She was only speaking to herself, but Josh agreed. He hated the poor name choice, more now than ever. He knew the name was just a reference to their body and not the individual inside, but it suggested that they were taking the place of someone else.

"No!" Jay growled as he stood up, "I don't know what that thing is, but it's _not_ my brother!"

His sudden outburst startled everyone.

"Jay!" Mrs. Joseph snapped.

"Tyler died. He died! You can't just come back from that shit! I'm not letting some science experiment take my brother's place. He's _not_ Tyler, and he never will be!"

With that, Jay stormed out of the room.

And for the first time since they had been reunited, Josh could see tears forming in Tyler's eyes. Zack had already sat up to comfort him.

"I should go talk to him." Josh said as he stood up.

Mrs. Joseph reached out and grabbed his arm, "No, just let him go... He needs some time to process everything."

There was a pause in conversation as everyone's minds raced in silence.

"Who else knows?" Mr. Joseph asked.

"Only Halsey... she stopped by last night."

"What about..." Mrs. Joseph began.

"No... I haven't told her yet."

"You should... she has a right to know."

He reluctantly nodded.

**~~|/~~ **

"So... are you going to tell her?" Tyler asked as he kicked off his shoes.

Josh tossed his keys onto the counter, "I... I'm not sure... I don't really think I have a choice."

"How will she react?"

Josh's phone began to go off, "I'm... not sure."

Tyler studied his confused expression as he read the caller ID, "Who is it?"

He shrugged before answering, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Joshua Dun?"

He knew he heard that voice before, "Yea, it is."

"It's Debby Ryan. Look, I need you and Tyler to come in right away."

"Wait, why?"

"It's urgent... can you make it here for five?"

Josh looked over to Tyler, who was picking up on his nervousness, "Yea, we can."


	3. The Markings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case it’s not obvious, some things written in italics are flashbacks.

He was in and out of listening. His ears were ringing and his mind had, once again, fallen numb. He could only imagine how Tyler felt as Debby explained it to them.

_An unknown glitch that their team of scientists were trying to figure out..._

_Numerous replacers already affected by it..._

_Tyler's specific date of reincarnation was at high risk..._

"So what you're saying is... this is deadly?" Josh asked in a monotone.

Debby nodded remorsefully, "I'm so sorry."

"Can't we just reincarnate him again?" Josh had no idea where the money would come from, but that didn't matter. He would find a way.

"I'm afraid not. We've tried it many times before, but we can't use replicated DNA."

This couldn't be happening.

"But... I don't want to die again." Tyler looked down at his shaking hands, a tear sliding off his nose.

Josh reached over and grabbed onto one of them. Tyler squeezed back just as hard.

If only the touch alone was enough to save him.

They both laid together in bed that night, neither one sleeping.

**~~|/~~ **

Josh checked his phone before taking another sip of coffee. His ringer was on, but he was worried he'd miss a text or call from her. She would be getting there any minute now, and he still had no clue what he was going to say. What he was going to do.

His emotions had been all over the place, but luckily he had regained enough control to come out for this.

He tapped his hands on the sides of his legs and stared at the second styrofoam cup that sat across the table. He daydreamed until a bell went off from behind.

He turned and watched as Jenna entered the café, smiling once she spotted him. She slowly made her way over, and he got up to help.

"No it's okay, I'm getting the hang of these things." She said as she leaned her crutches up against the wall and took a seat.

"I got your usual."

"Thank you." She smiled as she lifted the flap, "Ah, it smells so good."

Josh leaned his elbows against the table and chuckled.

"How are you doing?" She asked.

"I should be asking you that."

Jenna shrugged, "I'm just taking it a day at a time." She bit her lip, "It still hurts just as bad."

"Did they prescribe you anything for it?"

She frowned, "I'm not talking about my leg..."

"Oh..."

She shrugged it off, trying to appear cheerful once again, "How's the new place?"

Empty.

"Uh, it's alright. It's... you know... change."

"I don't like change, either. Especially this kind... anyways... What did you want to tell me?"

Josh stalled.

"You told me you wanted to meet up. I assumed it was because you wanted to talk."

"Yea... I do have something to tell you." He looked around, grateful that the coffee shop wasn't busy.

"Well?"

Josh closed his eyes, "Promise me you won't freak out?"

Jenna raised an eyebrow, "Why would I freak out? ... Joshua William Dun, what did you do now?"

Does he explain the full story? Does he tell her about the complete mental breakdown he had? About how close he had been to just joining Tyler?

About the sudden revelation he had?

How after everything that happened, it was just to be told he might die again?

Josh decided against it, and in a manner that was the epitome of who he was, settled for the easiest response, "It's about Tyler."

Her eyes widened, "What about Tyler?"

"He's... he's alive."

She shook her head, glaring at him with glistening eyes, "No he's not... Josh... we were both there... you saw..."

"He's been reincarnated." Josh swallowed the bile that rose up into his throat as Jenna frantically began to shake her head.

"No... no... he isn’t alive... it's not him..."

"It is him... Halsey saw him... I brought him to see his family yesterday... because he _remembered_ them..."

Jenna covered the bottom half of her face with her sleeves, the mascara on her lashes already beginning to smudge.

"I just figured you'd want to see..."

"No... no... I can't."

"But... it's Tyler, Jenna."

Her lip quivered as she suppressed a sob.

When it seemed like she had nothing left to say, Josh sighed, "I think you should see him."

"I... I can't right now... I'm not ready."

"Well I hope you're ready soon. He might not have that long." Josh got up, not even bothering to take the rest of his coffee with him as he left.

**~~|/~~ **

A late night of answering questions and telling stories about their past led them to a tattoo parlor the next day.

Tyler had become obsessed with the markings, analyzing each photo that contained them. None of them triggered any memories, but they fascinated him to no end. He knew they were special, he just couldn't remember why.

Besides wanting to do it simply because Tyler had asked, and the fact that today could quite possibly be his last day alive, Josh wanted to do it in the hopes that it would help him remember more.

He wanted his best friend to stay alive and live a long, healthy life- but if he couldn't have that, he at least wanted him back long enough to get some sort of closure.

Josh wanted Tyler to remember him, and he hoped that getting these tattoos again would hold that key.

"What are you thinking about getting?" A blonde-haired man asked as he leaned forward against the counter.

Tyler placed several photos down in front of him, all showing his tattoos from different vantage points.

The man glanced at Tyler dubiously before picking one of them up, "This is you."

"Yea... it used to be. I don't have them anymore."

The man squinted his eyes, "What... did they wash off or something?"

"He's a replacer." Josh chimed in, irritated by his sarcasm.

"Well that explains it... this is a lot of ink, man. There's no way you're gonna get all of this done in one sitting."

"What's that, Pete?" A woman with bright-red hair came around the corner and peered over his shoulder.

"He wants to get all of his old ink done again. He's a replacer... I guess. I'm just trying to tell him that it's gonna take a few appointments."

"He doesn't have that long." Josh cut him off, earning their undivided attention.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked, suddenly less obnoxious.

Tyler shifted in his position, "I might die again soon."

Pete traded glances with the woman before she stared at Tyler, "Wait... why?"

"There's a glitch. It has replacers dropping left and right... and I'm, most likely, going to be one of them."

Pete sighed as he picked up another photo and looked at it.

"I'll take you." The woman said, sounding committed to her decision.

"What about your other appointments, Hayley?" The man didn't so much question her, but was just asking what he should do.

"Call and cancel them. If they want to reschedule, I'll give them a discount."

"You got it, boss lady." He headed for the phone.

Hayley collected the photos and began to flip through each of them intently as she walked over to Josh and Tyler, "He's right, you did have quite a few tattoos. I can't guarantee I'll get them all done today, but I'll sure as hell try... which ones mean the most to you?"

"The bands around my wrist and elbow, the cross on my upper arm, and the roman numerals.

"Okay, we can start there. It'll be easier for me to just free-hand it on you rather than make a stencil, is that alright? I promise it'll look exactly the same. It'll blow your mind."

Tyler chuckled, "Yea, that's fine."

She led them to her room, which was decorated with artwork and various nicknacks. An adjustable chair sat in the center with a small desk off to the side, and a rack of assorted ink and equipment lining a section of wall.

"Does any of this look familiar?" Hayley asked as Tyler took a seat.

"No... why? Should it?"

She looked slightly disappointed as she picked up a marker and slid a stool over, "No, no... it's alright. I was just curious."

"Why?" Josh asked as she studied the photos once again and pulled the cap off.

"I didn't want to upset you... because it doesn't seem like you remember much about your... _past self_... but I'm the one who did your bands."

Tyler didn't know whether to be excited or sad, "Really?"

"Yea... six years ago, give or take."

Josh nodded, "Yea, that sounds about right."

"How can you remember me? _I_ can't even remember me." Tyler allowed her to adjust his arm so she could begin drawing an outline for the wrist tattoo.

"I don't forget those who give me a reason not to forget them."

Tyler had no idea what that meant, so he just watched as she created blue lines on top of his tan skin.

"You were a deep thinker."

He looked up at her, "I've been told that."

"I could've asked you 'what color is the sky?', and you would've gone on to question why we had a sky at all. You would've suggested that it was just some... _illusion_ , masking what's really up there."

Josh chuckled, "Yea. That was him, alright."

"Can I ask you a question?"

She took a second to look up at Tyler before continuing her work, "Yea, sure. What is it?"

"Do you know what they mean?"

She sat up and fidgeted with the marker, "You didn't say."

His shoulders slumped down, "Guess I might never know."

"Well, have you asked any of your friends or family? Maybe they'd know."

"He never told anyone." Josh said as she finished up one of the circles just above his hand.

"I didn't talk about it at all with you?" Tyler insisted.

Hayley shook her head, "You only said that they all had a very special meaning to you. Something along the lines of them representing things that saved your life."

Whatever they were, Tyler prayed that they would work some of their mysterious powers on him now. He needed it.

Twelve hours passed, and to Hayley's amazement, she managed to complete all of his tattoos.

Twelve hours passed, and to Josh's disappointment, none of it caused memories to resurface.

They both hugged her and said goodbye, Tyler taking a little longer to part ways and maybe a tear or two from Hayley.

Ultimately- Tyler left satisfied, and not a single dime had been accepted as payment.

**~~|/~~ **

It was late that same day when Josh ran out of his bedroom to find Tyler screaming and throwing things across the living room.

"Tyler!"

He shoved a stack of boxes over before clenching his hair into fists, continuing to yell in hysterics.

Josh was panicking. He didn't know what to do, and could only watch in horror as Tyler punched a mirror- the glass shattering into pieces as his hand began to drip with blood.

"Shit! Tyler, stop!"

Josh ran up from behind and swung his arms around him, pinning his down as they both dropped to the ground. It took minutes for the struggling to slow and the cries to weaken as Tyler eventually lost energy, but Josh continued to hold tight.

He didn't let go until Tyler passed out from exhaustion. He leaned back against the wall and looked down at the boy who rested against him, his head rolled to the side.

After he caught his breath and wrapped his mind around what just happened, he carried Tyler into the bedroom and cleaned up his injured hand as he slept.

"Sudden outbursts. Usually frustration, but it passes and doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong." Debby had said, but Josh was terrified. What if this had something to do with the glitch? What if this was a sign that Tyler was affected?

Josh picked up the living room and checked on Tyler one last time as he laid in bed, watching carefully to make sure he was still breathing. He left the door open and laid down on the couch, thanking God that none of his neighbors had called the police.

He didn't realize how tired he was until he woke up to sunlight.

Tyler had no memory of the episode, and Josh didn't try to remind him.

**~~|/~~ **

Low on sick days and out of excuses, Josh felt the pressure to get back to work. It took a stern argument from Tyler for him to go in today, but as soon as he got there, he began to count down the hours.

He was nervous, and even his coworkers sensed it. They kept asking him if everything was alright as he zoned out during conversations and constantly checked his cellphone. Even as he stood in front of the stage, facing a rambunctious crowd as loud music vibrated him to the core, he would discreetly check the screen in his pocket.

He had told Tyler to call if anything happened. If he felt sick, if he ached anywhere, if he got so much as a nosebleed- he was to immediately call.

For reasons Tyler wouldn't say, he hadn't wanted to contact any of his family to see if they wanted to spend the day with him. Josh would have felt a little better knowing someone was with him, but he was an adult and could make his own stubborn decisions.

Just as Josh was about to resume his impassive stance, his phone vibrated. A text.

Ty: Just letting you know I'm still alive, but this boredom might kill me soon.

Josh smirked and began to text back with one thumb.

Josh: That's not funny.

Josh: And you're the one who wanted me to go in today.

Ty: Well it was either that or you lose your job and have to live in a cardboard box.

Josh: That's alright, I have plenty of them.

And for the next ten minutes, they went on to have a full-blown debate on how to correctly build a cardboard mansion. More undeniable proof that the old Tyler was dormant in there somewhere.

Josh: I have to go, but I'll be home soon. The concert's almost over.

Ty: Okay.

Tyler huffed as he fell back onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling.

The apartment was lonely without anyone around to talk to. He had taken a nap earlier in the day just to pass the time, but found he could only fall asleep in Josh's bed. The one that was in the guest room, designated for him, was cold and not as comforting. Everything about that room felt like a prisoner's cell.

He could have called up either of his parents, two out of his three siblings even, to pick him up to spend some time with- but he didn't want to. Just like Josh, they all had to work, and he didn't want to interfere with any of their lives.

And... he didn't want to tell them. He didn't want to tell his family or give any hints that anything was off. It was mostly his own selfishness- to make his last remaining days pity and drama free. He didn't want to see anyone cry. He didn't want them to feel sorry for him. If this was the way it had to be, so be it. He did it once before, he could do it again.

But he wondered how it would happen. He wondered if it would be quick and painless. He hoped that it would be.

He hated thinking about it.

He hated the thought of Josh having to find him.

He walked into the guest room, and to sidetrack his mind, picked up the ukulele that rested on the bed. He began to pluck at the strings and every once in a while, managed to place his fingers in an order that actually sounded good.

He wondered how many times he had played this instrument. How many hours worth of practice he had put in to get as good as everyone said he had been.

Josh told him he used to write his own music, but when asked if he wanted to hear some of the songs, Tyler said no.

He wasn't sure why, but he was afraid.

There was something about hearing his own voice, hearing his own thoughts, that felt like it would just be the biggest slap in his face.

_"But what if it helps you remember?"_

Tyler stared at the laptop on the end table, undoubtably the same one he had used to record with.

The contents inside had the ability to either destroy him mentally, or answer so many unknown questions.

With some hesitation, he opened it up on the bed and turned it on. He clicked on a music program and began to scroll through the names. Some had actual titles, while others had nicknames. Codenames only the old Tyler would have understood.

He chose one at random- a thirty second clip that turned out to just be an instrumental.

He looked at the times and saw one that was over three minutes long. It was called "Drown", and he clicked on it before he could stop himself.

At first, the piano made him believe it was just going to be another wordless song, but then the lyrics began. He listened curiously, and didn't feel as upset as he thought he would be.

He really hoped he was just speaking metaphorically when he said that he killed someone, but he also couldn't stop focusing on the piano's melody.

That first chord.

G.

Tyler wasn't sure how he knew that, but it sparked him to jump off the bed. He dug the keyboard out of the closet and set it down next to the laptop, crossing his legs as he turned it on and hitting a note to make sure it still worked.

It felt familiar. It felt like he had stared down at these black and white keys a thousand times before. He played a few of them to hear their individual sounds before closing his eyes.

He spread his left hand, letting it fall to the magnet that was attracting it.

And there it was. That very same chord.

Tyler grinned, hitting pause on the music just to play the chord over and over again. Out of all the chords he had heard in the song, this one attracted him the most. He wondered if he had used it a lot.

He began to add more chords and notes in with his right hand, some resonating well while others took a few tries to figure out.

His left hand traveled to the center of the keyboard and hit a note that caused him to stop eveything else he was doing.

He hit it again.

_C._

A note he instantly recognized.

But that wasn't it. There was something missing. Another note. One that wasn't that far away.

He switched fingers, using his middle one to hit the key again as he extended his thumb to tap a second one. And then again.

_C - E - E - C - E - E - C - E - E - C - E - E_

His right hand moved like it had a mind of its own, adding in a light melody that flowed together seemlessly.

Tyler drifted off to the peaceful sound, his eyes closing again as he bobbed his head back and forth. It was hypnotizing.

It was tranquil.

But then he sqeezed his eyes shut harder.

 

_"Hey, can i have some of that Red Bull?"_

_Josh finished taking a sip and handed it up front to Tyler, "Here you go, love."_

_Tyler laughed._

_"Um, hello? I'm sitting right here."_

 

The woman's voice broke him from the trance for a split second, but he didn't stop.

He closed his eyes once again as the individual notes he played transformed into chords.

_"She's jealous." Josh singsonged._

_"So jealous." Tyler agreed as he kept his eyes on the dimly-lit road ahead._

_"Oh wow, you caught me." That angelic voice again, "I'm just a coverup for your relationship, huh?"_

_"Josh, I had an idea. I think, maybe... we should hang out without Jenna."_

 

Jenna.

 

_"We totally should."_

_They were on a long stretch of back road, heading away from the city. Tyler reached across the center console to hold her hand as Josh continued to tease from the backseat._

_"Excuse me, sir, but weren't you supposed to be the chauffeur this evening?" She jokingly snapped._

_"Hey, my man here can't help it if he's tired."_

_Another car was in the distance, it's headlights appearing around the treeline ahead._

 

"Hey, Ty. I'm home." Josh called out as he took off his jacket and closed the door.

Then he could hear music.

It was Tyler's music. One of the songs with a long title, but he couldn't remember the exact name.

He couldn't believe he was actually listening to his old stuff.

Josh excitedly rushed over to the bedroom, but froze in the doorway to stare in disbelief.

Tyler was _playing_ it.

He was stunned, and careful not to disrupt him as he watched in silence.

Tyler was so sucked into it.

The music changed tempo for a little while before melting away into something slow and gentle. Something quiet, like the calm before a storm.

Something about rain.

Or was it reign?

 

_"What the hell is this guy doing?" Tyler glared through the windshield at the car heading towards them, veering out of its lane and towards the embankment._

_Josh leaned over to look around Jenna's headrest, "Woah, he's gonna crash."_

_"Oh my God." Jenna nervously breathed._

_The car corrected its course back into its lane, and everyone relaxed._

_Tyler loosened his grip on the steering wheel and glanced over at the girl who sat next to him._

_She was beautiful, even when anxious. She brushed some of her wavy blonde hair out of her face and looked over just long enough to meet his eyes._

_She smiled, but as she turned her head, that smile vanished and turned to pure horror, "Tyler! Look out!"_

_Her scream was ear piercing- a gut wrenching sound he had never heard before, and never wanted to._

_He slammed the breaks, the tires screeching and his arms locking._

_The other car was headed straight for them, and nothing could be done. It was too late._

_He could do nothing but scream until everything was enveloped in darkness._

"Tyler!" Josh yelled, shaking his shoulders, "Tyler! Snap out of it!"

He opened his eyes, inhaling sharply to catch his breath before bursting out crying, "Oh my God... Oh my God, I remember!"

"Remember what?!"

"The car! I didn't see it! It happened so fast, Josh! Oh my God, it happened so fast!"

Josh pulled him in, and he fell apart in his arms.

Tyler couldn't breathe. It felt like his throat was closing as everything spun around him.

Josh began to sob as screams and twisting metal filled his ears. It was all too fresh in his mind, and no amount of time would be able to change that. It wasn't something he could ever forget.

He rocked Tyler, trying to regain enough composure to calm the boy who was close to hyperventilation, "It's okay, it's okay."

But it wasn't okay. None of this was okay.

Tyler wasn't okay.


	4. A New Meaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split the first chapter up into three separate ones because I want to update this story more frequently, and shorter chapters makes it easier. Nothing else changed, I just didn’t want the first chapter to be huge and the rest to be much shorter.

"What happened?" Tyler asked from across the bed.

Recalling any detail would be torture. Josh's brain had buried it deep down, supressing it for the sake of sanity. The only time he talked to anyone about it was with the police officers at the scene of the accident.

But Tyler had the right to know about his own death.

"All I saw were headlights... and then... nothing..." His emotionless stare dropped down.

Josh didn't even bother to wipe his face anymore, "It was a drunk driver... they, uh... swerved into our lane... and hit us head on."

"You were in the backseat." Tyler recalled, saying it mostly to himself.

Josh nodded.

"And Jenna. She was... is she okay?" His voice cracked.

"Yea... yea, she is. Broke her leg and got a concussion... some cuts and bruises, but she's... well, she's not okay... she lost you."

Tyler pulled his knees up and rested his face in his arms, "Does... does she still love me?"

"Of course she does. She never stopped."

"I remember her... I remember how we met... I even remember our first date... what if she doesn't want to be with me anymore? Because I'm... I'm not _him_... She didn't even want to see me."

"It's not that she doesn't want to see you, Ty. It's just... really overwhelming to her. She doesn't know how to handle it... I'm sure she'll change her mind." Josh didn't want to ask, but there was something tugging inside him and he couldn't resist, "So... do you remember _me_?"

Tyler shook his head regretfully, "I'm sorry."

It didn't surprise him.

"It's okay."

"It's like... I saw you, and I felt how close we were, but I don't know why... I don't remember what got us to that point. I barely know anything about you, and you were my best friend. The way we talked... the way we joked... the way that felt... it felt like you and Jenna were my whole world."

 

_"We make such a good team!"_

_"Yea we do!"_

 

Josh smiled sadly, "Yea. We made a pretty good team."

**~~|/~~ **

When Jenna was laying on the couch, already in her pajamas with her leg propped up on a pillow, she wasn't expecting her phone to go off.

She also wasn't expecting the name on her screen to be Josh's.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me... how are you?"

She looked down at her cast, "Honestly? In pain and miserable."

"Yea... sorry, that was a stupid question. So I... wanted to call and apologize for the other day."

Jenna sighed, her eyes fluttering shut, "It's alright."

"I shouldn't have left like that... I was just... I mean, I was just so..."

"No, it's okay... I get it." There was a pause before she spoke again, "How is he?"

Josh talked through a sigh, "Uh, he's good... look, something happened and..."

"Is he okay?" Jenna interjected, fearing the worse.

"Yea, he's fine! It's not that- it's something else... something that happened today."

"Like what?"

"I think you really just need to see him, Jenna."

He sat in anticipation, waiting for her answer as he chewed his thumb.

A breath came from the other end, "Alright... but let me come to you, okay?"

Josh smiled weakly, "Okay."

"Do... Do you think he'll be alright until tomorrow?"

How was Josh supposed to know that?

He was so unsure of so many different things lately that it was getting harder and harder to put on mask to conceal the apprehension that was eating away at his core. There were so many uncertainties, each having the capability to send him into a massive panic attack if he didn't dismiss them the moment they entered his mind, but they were clawing their way in with each passing day.

It was an impossible question to answer, but he had to say something.

The easiest reply rolled from his tongue, "Yea, I think so."

He hated lying.

**~~|/~~ **

It was a reminder, just like Josh's car. Just like the photo on her end table. Just like the wedding dress in her closet.

The cast.

The damn cast that got in the way of everything. The one that sent her limping and swinging with one foot everywhere she went. The one that held a painful ache inside, which radiated and turned into a fiery wrath every time she forgot to take her pain medication.

The one that she currently struggled to get her pajama bottoms off of.

Once Jenna gently tugged the fabric free from the opposing leg, she shimmyed on a pair of sweatpants and rolled up the one side so that it sat above the cast.

She changed her shirt and hopped to the bathroom to brush her hair. She looked up in the mirror to see an unrecognizable girl gazing back at her with sunken eyes and a permanently hallow expression. 

It was crazy what loss could do to a person.

She looked away, not wanting to see her reflection anymore.

She grabbed her keys off the end table, but paused at the sight of the silver ring next to them. The paramedics had removed it, and even though her hand felt so incredibly bare without it, she hadn't put it back on since.

After she got home from the hospital, doped up on pain killers and unable to comprehend the extent of what had happened, she found it lying in a plastic bag with the rest of her salvaged belongings.

But there had been no point in wearing it anymore. It was illogical. After all, you couldn't marry a dead person.

That was why it had been left on the table next to her bed, void of any significance other than a memory. Just another reminder on a never-ending list. An object she couldn't imagine letting go of.

She slowly raised the ring and rotated it around, the diamonds catching the light and flickering like a thousand stars before she slipped it onto her finger. She was disappointed to realize it didn't make her feel better. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but the growing nausea inside her stomach made her pull it off and set it back down.

She covered her face, feeling a wetness beneath her fingertips as she closed her eyes and tried not to lose it. She didn't have enough strength to.

A sound came from her bed, and she looked to see a bleary light emanating from her phone as it rested on top of her bedsheets.

She dried her eyes and unlocked the screen.

Jaclyn: I'm here.

A glance out the window confirmed the car in her driveway.

She put on a sweatshirt and began the trek downstairs, locking the front door behind her as the other blonde got out of the car to help put the metal crutches in the backseat.

"Do you have enough room? I put it back as far back as it would go."

Jenna carefully sat down and lifted her leg inside, "Yea, it's fine. Thanks."

The drive was quiet and filled with nerve-racking uncertainty. Red flags waving in her head, trying desperately to warn her that this was a trap; some heartless, diabolical scheme to break her down past the point of no return. Despite what Josh had said, despite the promising words from Mrs. Joseph after a shocking encounter with the twin, she couldn't convince herself that any of this was real.

But when would the real have ended? The night she lost him, or the day that he came back?

The man she had fallen in love with. The one and only person she imagined being with for the rest of her days. Everything she ever wanted and needed to be happy.

Someone might as well have shredded her up and thrown away the pieces.

How were you supposed to recover from something like this? How was life supposed to carry on? And now, with him reincarnated, why did the concept of seeing him again scare her so much? Why did her heart feel like it was pumping lead, and her lungs were filled with smoke?

She hadn't fully accepted the fact that he had died, and now he was suddenly alive again. It was all a chaotic, disarranged mess that she couldn't even begin to grasp.

Jenna gazed out the window, trying to combat the sickness she started to feel again, but she knew she had to do this. She needed to see him with her own two eyes in the hopes that things would start making sense.

"Will you be okay?" Jaclyn's soft voice asked as they finished crossing over a bridge.

"I don't know... but I wasn't okay to begin with. Can't get much worse than this, right?"

Jaclyn hummed sadly with nothing helpful to say.

Jenna didn't blame her for not speaking the rest of the ride. She knew she was being difficult to talk to.

She did, however, offer a 'thanks' as Jaclyn parked the car in front of the apartment complex and helped her get out.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

Jenna adjusted her grip on the handels of the crutches and gave a fake smile, "I'm sure. Josh is here."

"Okay... just call if you need anything. I can pick you up if you need me to. I'll get here as quick as I can, and..."

Jenna chuckled, "I'll be alright, thank you. Just... do me a favor, and try not to worry so much. Okay?"

Jaclyn nodded before hugging her.

Jenna felt bad for not putting more effort into the gesture. She felt even worse when she pulled away and saw how emotional her sister had gotten.

"Just let me know how it goes."

"I will."

**~~|/~~ **

Jenna swung her way through the lobby, and to her dismay, had to share an elevator ride with a stranger.

The middle-aged woman gave a friendly smile and looked down at her cast with no attempt to be discreet about it, "Hi, how are you?"

Jenna was getting good at faking smiles, "Been a little better, how about you?"

"I'm alright... so, did it happen at practice?"

She was puzzled until she remembered the basketball sweatshirt she had on, "Oh, no... This was my fiancé's... it was a car accident."

The woman didn't seem to view the injury so innocently anymore, "How bad was it?"

Jenna bit her lip, "Pretty bad."

"You must be grateful that's the worse you got, huh?"

She stared ahead intensely and couldn't speak. She just offered a quick head bob and another fake smile, subduing the sudden rage that built up throughout her body.

Jenna wanted to scream and snap her crutches in half.

She chose to remain silent and stare at the flashing digits above.

When it came time, she was quick to vanish off into the hallway and not look back. She watched as the numbers on the doors ascended, stopping to double check the address on her phone before approaching the one in front of her.

Just as she was about to knock, she heard a mixture of muffled voices coming from the other side. She leaned in closer, listening as the deeper one said something that made the lighter one laugh.

That sound. As faint and unclear as it was, there was no mistaking it.

She twisted the nob, and the door was unlocked.

Josh was on the couch, a video game controller in his hands next to a hooded boy. Their visions broke away from the television and fell upon her as she stood idle in the doorway.

With a flash of black lines beneath a sleeve, a hand swept the fabric off of an instantly recognizable patch of brown hair.

Wide eyes of the same tone didn't shy away from hers as he slowly stood, "Jenna?"

She took a step closer, skeptically analyzing him from head to toe without a word.

Josh walked past her and closed the door. He stood off to the side and watched as the two continued the stand-off. Neither one moving, and neither one speaking for what seemed like minutes.

Tyler felt like he was falling in love all over again as he studied her features, but he frowned at the sight of her injured leg.

As ridiculous as it was, he blamed himself. If he had been paying attention, he might have had enough time to swerve out of the way.

It was his fault he lost his own life. It was his fault his fiancée was left broken and alone. It was his fault his best friend had become so mentally unbalanced and depressed.

He ruined everything, and that realization hit like two tons of crumpling steel as Jenna stood in front of him.

Tyler took a shaky breath, "I... I can't believe you're here... I wanted to see you so bad."

Her stare went unchanged.

"Jenna, i-it's me."

Her mouth moved unproductively as she gradually shook her head.

"It really is... I promise." Tyler began to plead, but she backed up as he got closer, "Babe..."

"Don't call me that!" She snapped before repeating it more sternly, "Don't call me that."

Tyler glanced at Josh, unsure of what to say or do, but he suddenly closed the gap with confidence, "I know you're scared and confused. I am too, but you have to believe me. I'm really here... I..." She hesitantly raised her head to look at him, tears welling up as he reached his fingers out and brushed her hair, "Remember how I asked you out at that concert, and you thought I was completely out of my mind because we never even met before?"

Jenna squeezed her eyes shut as hard as she could.

"You said no, and you told me I was annoying." Tyler chuckled, "I remember how mad you got when you found out I was friends with Josh. You tried to avoid me the entire time we were at Halsey's party... but then you started smiling back at me when I saw you across the room. You didn't rush away when I asked if you wanted something to drink. Your sentences got less sarcastic, and you ended up laughing at all of my dumb jokes... and then I asked again."

Jenna nodded and tried to smile, but her lips only trembled.

"You said yes, and I showed up to your house _way_ over dressed. You felt bad, so you changed and we both went to this small, family-owned restaurant looking like we had just come from a wedding." he smiled as Jenna laughed. A sad, reminiscent one- but a laugh none the less, "Three years later, I proposed to you under the Eiffel Tower."

She covered her mouth and looked over to Josh, who was fighting a battle all of his own to keep it together.

"There isn't much I'm sure of, and not much I remember... but I remember my family... and I remember you."

Jenna couldn't take it anymore. Just as her arms felt too weak to hold herself up, Tyler wrapped his around her and held her tight. She let the crutches go, hitting the ground as she locked onto him and cried into his shoulder.

**~~|/~~ **

They were pulled over on the side of the road, both looking at the view ahead with a particular heaviness.

"This is pretty surreal."

Jenna tightened her fingers around his hand, "Are you sure about this?"

It took a moment for Tyler to answer, "Yea, I'm sure."

She sniffled, looking embarrassed that he noticed, "I don't know why I'm still crying. It's just... I haven't been here since..."

"Yea, I know... me neither." And with a sigh, he opened the door.

He helped Jenna out and handed her the crutches before they started to walk.

A white cross stood slightly crooked in the grass, marking a section of roadway that was covered in tire marks and tiny, reflective pieces of glass that hadn't been fully swept away. Beneath the wooden structure was a weather-worn card and a pile of wilted flowers, spared no mercy from the bitter air.

"Jay put it out here the very next morning." 

Tyler looked at her for a few seconds before returning to his emotionless gaze, "I saw them the other day. My family... they were all so happy, but he... he completely rejected me."

"I'm sure he'll come around."

"He might not have to."

Jenna turned her full attention to him, "Please don't talk like that, Tyler."

"Well it's true... I don't know how much time I have left."

"None of us do, okay? You taught me that. I can die tomorrow in some freak accident, and you can go on living for another fifty years. We just don't know. But please, while we're both still here, just have a little faith."

Tyler nodded, a faint smile appearing at the corner of his lips, "Okay."

With that, he discarded the flowers into some brush and folded up the card. He placed it in his pocket and wondered if he should try to decipher its runny handwriting later.

As he thought about it more, he decided against it. After all, it was never meant for his eyes to see.

He knelt down and gripped the base of the cross, about to lift it up, but he stopped.

He rested his hand on top, "Maybe we should leave it here."

Jenna maneuvered next to him, collecting her crutches to rest forward against, "But... it's here because you died."

"I did."

"But you came back."

He stood up and took her hand, their fingers lacing together naturally, "Well, maybe it can mean something else now."

**~~|/~~ **

Tyler carried Jenna into the bedroom, careful not to bump into anything before gently setting her down on the bed.

"Ah, that was so much better than dragging myself backwards up those stairs. Thanks."

Tyler laid down next to her, "You don't have to thank me... does it hurt at all?"

"Yea, but it's whatever."

He propped himself up with an arm, "I can go get your meds if you want."

"No, I think I'll be fine." She smiled softly before pulling his head down, pressing her lips into his.

Tyler welcomed her touch as she cupped his cheek and deepened the kiss, but it wasn't nearly long enough. He could have drifted off into peaceful oblivion if she let him. She was nothing shy of perfection, and he wanted to spend the rest of eternity like this. He didn't want to move, and he didn't want the day to end, but the darkening skies outside reminded him that he was not in control of those things.

His focus shifted past Jenna to the silver object on her nightstand. He couldn't help but stare, wondering what life would be like right now... what life _should_ be right now.

Jenna traced his line of vision to the ring and picked it up.

She smiled weakly, studying it as if to remember all the details before passing it over to him, "It would've been such a beautiful day."

Tyler nestled up against her on the pillow, her hair spread out beneath his head, "What do you think it would've been like?"

Jenna took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, smiling as her imagination went to work, "It would've been sunny. Warm, but not too warm. The breeze would've been nice, and everyone would've been there." She looked at Tyler, "You would've been nervous."

He giggled, " _So_ nervous."

"But I would've been, too. I would‘ve been picky about my hair and makeup." She glanced at the closet, "And you would've loved my dress... The only thing I would’ve seen was your smile as I walked down the aisle... we would've read our vows, but I would‘ve stuttered or something. Yours would've been so well thought out and deep, like poetry."

"Wait, did you..."

"No, I didn't. Why? Was that pretty accurate?"

He smiled, "Possibly... maybe someday you'll find out."

"Maybe."

Tyler took Jenna's hand, running his thumb across her knuckles before lowering the ring onto her finger. She adjusted it so that the diamonds faced the correct way and smiled.

There wasn't any nausea this time.

Tyler cleared his throat, trying to loosen the knot that was inside, "Can you promise me one thing?"

Jenna’s smile vanished, "What is it?"

"I know you said to have faith, but if... you know... if it happens again, promise me you'll move on?"

"What... what do you mean?"

"Know that I'll always be with you and that I love you so, so incredibly much... but don't let my death stop you from living your life. I want you to move on. I want you to be able to smile again and not feel guilty about it. If I'm not here, I want you to find someone who can be. You don't deserve to be alone. You deserve to be loved."

A tear streaked down her face, falling to the sheets when she moved to wrap her arm across Tyler's chest.

"Promise me?"

"I promise." She whispered.

Tyler rubbed her back as she began to cry. He didn't want to upset her, but he needed to say it. There was so much for him to worry about and not a lot he could do to fix it, but he had to try. He needed to know that she'd be alright.

"I love you so much." She quietly sobbed.

Tyler kissed her forehead, "I love you too."

"Sing for me."

He tensed up. It had been a miracle when he played the piano yesterday. He had no idea what to sing, and no idea if he even _could_ sing.

He racked his brain to try and remember something. _Anything_.

What was her favorite song?

 

_Jenna danced around the bedroom, wearing nothing but underwear and Tyler's white, button-up shirt as the stereo played. She sung into a hairbrush, whipping her hair around as she tried to entice the boy who sat on her bed._

_He laughed when she climbed up next to him and began to jump, pulling him up to join her._

 

He started to hum, the lyrics gradually coming back as the fragments of song progressed in his head. It fit the occasion all too well.

"I could show you love. In a tidal wave of mystery, you'll still be standing next to me. You could be my luck. Even if we're six feet underground, I know that we'll be safe and sound."


	5. A Sky of a Thousand Stars

Jenna sat out on her front porch, under the protection of its roof as she watched the heavy rain fall from the dark clouds above. The cold breeze sent her tugging down on her sleeves and wrapping her arms around her legs, but the freshness of the air was nice.

It was much needed.

She turned when she heard the door open, smiling up at Tyler as he stepped out with a blanket.

He sat down and drapped it across her shoulders, “You looked cold.”

“Thanks.” She kissed him through a smile, “Just think- pretty soon, this’ll be snow.”

“Yea, I know.”

He just hoped he’d be around to see it.

“What’s that?” She nudged his shoulder, looking down at the white paper- partially hidden under his hand.

He held up two envelopes and waved them with a smirk.

“Our vows?”

“Yup,” He checked the front of one to make sure it was hers before handing it over, “I figured we could, you know...”

She tried. She tied to hide the sadness behind a smile, but Tyler was quick to spot the unshed tears.

Tyler rubbed her knee, “Aw, don’t get upset! This wasn’t supposed to make you cry.”

“I can’t help it.” She chuckled sadly, “We were supposed to read these on our wedding day.”

”Which is...”

Jenna’s mouth fell open as she frantically pulled out her phone to check the date, “Oh my God. I didn’t even realize...”

Tyler smiled, “Happy Not-Wedding Day.”

Jenna stared down at the numbers, unsure of what she was feeling.

They were supposed to be married by now.

He took her hands, holding them flat in front of her as he spoke in a joking manner, “I, Tyler Joseph, take you, Jenna Black, to be my not-so-wedded wife.”

Jenna giggled.

“To have and to hold, from this day forward... uh... for something and something else...” Jenna threw her head back with laugher, bringing a big smile to Tyler’s face, “Until death do us part.”

She took a shaky breath, “I, Jenna Black, take you, Tyler Joseph, to be my not-so-wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse...”

Tyler bobbed his head, “That’s what it was!”

The smile Jenna had dissipated as she wrapped her hands around his, “until not even death do us part.”

Tyler squeezed back, as if this were a promise or equivalent to a prayer, “Until not even death do us part.”

Jenna’s soft lips met with Tyler’s briefly before she rested her head under his chin and curled up against him- his arms acting as a barrier against the cold and all of her worries.

She wasn’t in her wedding dress, and he wasn’t in a tux. They wern’t surrounded by family and friends on some bright, sunshiny day like she had envisioned.

There were no wedding rings. No official documents. No guarantee of a tomorrow- but that was okay, because for right now, she still had him. This was all she could have ever asked for.

She was Jenna Joseph at heart.

And to the rhythm of the rain beating down around them, they read their vows.

~~**_|/_ ** ~~

It was 2:14 in the morning when Tyler’s phone vibrated.

He jolted awake, and after taking a second for his eyes to adjust and find the device half hidden underneath his pillow, he squinted to read the bright screen.

Josh: U awake?

Tyler rolled onto his back, careful not to disturb Jenna.

**Am now. Why?**

**You ok?**

Hetried not to doze back off as he waited for a reply.

Josh: Sorry, shouldn’t have txted so late. It’s nothing. See u guys tomorrow?

Josh: Later I mean... since it’s technically tomorrow already... ?

**No, it’s fine. Just tell me what’s up**

Tyler remembered his first night at Josh’s apartment.

He remembered waking up in a panic and feeling like he couldn’t breathe.

 _“Bad dream.”_ He had told Josh.

 

_“I have nightmares, too.”_

 

**Was it a nightmare?**

The response was almost instant.

Josh: Yea

**Wanna talk?**

Josh: Yea

Tyler quietly got out of bed, in nothing but boxers as he grabbed a sweatshirt before leaving the room. He pulled it on as he tapped Josh’s name and walked down the stairs, listening to it ring as he headed for the sliding glass door that led out onto the deck.

Josh picked up as he stepped outside, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry I woke you up.”

Tyler sat on one of the patio chairs, “Seriously, it’s fine. Are you alright?”

“Yea, I guess so... it’s just... these dreams really screw with my head. They get to me, sometimes.”

“What was it about?”

“The same thing they’re always about.”

It took Tyler a second, “Oh... the accident?”

Josh hummed.

“What happens in the dreams?”

Josh mumbled for a brief moment, as if rubbing his face while talking, “I don’t really want to go into detail... but they’re always so... _vivid_. I wake up, and it’s as if the night happened all over again... and tonight, I just needed to hear from you.”

Tyler closed his eyes, the chill of the night air sending goose bumps across his bare legs.

He wanted, so badly, to take this pain away from his friend.

“You get them a lot?”

“Yea,” Josh seemed reluctant to answer, “Almost every night since it happened... Well, a day or two after it happened, since I went a while without sleeping...”

Tyler took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“They always seem to start out with us driving down that same road... sometimes it’s daytime, but most of the time, it’s night... Zack was even up front once instead of Jenna... and it always gets to a point where _something_  happens, and we crash...”

Tyler hummed to let him know he was still listening. Always listening.

“Everything moves in slow motion. Things are flying, _we’re_ flying, there’s breaking glass and loud bangs... and I swear- whoever said you can’t feel pain in dreams is full of crap, because _I_ can.”

“Yea, me too.”

“Really?”

“Well... at least I think so... I can never remember my dreams when I wake up. Like, there’s always a quick little flash of a memory, but then it’s gone... I wake up freaking out like something bad is happening... something painful...” Tylerleaned back and drew his legs up onto the chair, “But I guess that’s not the same thing.”

“No, it is... I wonder if your dreams are about the car accident, too.”

“Well, there’s one thing I _do_ know, Josh.”

“What’s that?”

“We’re broken people.”

Josh chuckled, “I think you’re right.” 

Tyler adjusted in his seat again to gaze up at the stars- at least the ones that weren’t obscured by thin streaks of clouds. 

“Can I ask you a stupid question?” Josh’s voice suddenly broke the silence.

“What?”

“And I mean this is _stupid,_ but... after you died... did you... _see_ anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like... did you see heaven?”

Tyler never even thought about it until now.

Did he?

“Um... I don’t actually know... I probably wouldn’t remember even if I did.”

“What about a light?”

“A what?”

”A light, you know- at the end of the tunnel.”

Tyler started to laugh, “Do headlights count?”

“Jesus, Tyler. That was dark, even for you.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s just, like... I want to know what happens after we die... does everything just _stop_ , or do we move on to someplace else?”

The weight of that question, topped with an incredible sense of insignificance while staring up into space, left Tyler speachless.

Josh sighed, as though the question had been rhetorical anyways, “I guess we won’t know until we get there.”

“I guess not.” Tyler yawned.

“You should get back to bed.”

“Well, are you okay now? Because I’ll stay up if you want me to.”

“No, I’m okay. I’m probably gonna fall back asleep, too.”

“Okay. Just call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight, Josh.”

“Night, Tyler.”  

~~**_|/_ ** ~~

_Four days later_

"Holy crap, this place is actually starting to look like a home." Josh said as he stepped back to get a better view of the area.

Jenna stood in the kitchen, organizing the cabinets, "Yea, you see, the thing about moving is you actually have to take the things _out_ of the boxes and put them away."

"Blame Tyler, he's had me playing that stupid video game almost every day after work."

"It's not stupid just because you can't win. And how exactly did I just get dragged into your procrastination problems?"

"What? I don't have procrastination problems."

Halsey came around the corner, "Yea, he just knew if he waited long enough, we would do it for him. It was a strategized plan."

"Well it worked." Jenna flattened a box and set it aside.

They all migrated into the living room and sat down to take a break. Josh flipped through the guide on the television as Halsey snuggled up next to him. Tyler played on his phone, and Jenna rested her head on his lap. 

This was as normal as it could be.

It was getting easier as the days moved on to let the bad stuff go. The events of the accident were still very real and vivid, the images forever stained into the back of their minds, but that didn't influence everything they did anymore.

Josh could eat, Tyler could sleep, and Jenna could feel and express more than just one emotion- and it was all because Tyler was so... _Tyler;_ making random goofy faces just to get a reaction from a too-serious Jenna. Pondering all the little things, and relishing in the ones too large for others to comprehend. His continuous bantering with Josh about nonsensical issues.

Josh, the man who he still couldn't remember, no matter how hard he tried- but apparently treated the same as he always did.

At least that's what everyone kept telling him. 

Tyler had tried everything as he spent hours upon hours batteling against his uncooperative brain, but it got to the point that he needed to stop looking at photos and videos because it did nothing but frustrate him.

It never resulted in a spontaneous chain of flashbacks to fill in the holes, and that upset him more than anyone would ever know.

Because he didn't _want_ them to know. He just wanted them to be happy, and to think that he was doing as well as they thought he was- which for the most part, he was.

He felt fine.

He felt fortunate.

He felt like he was slowly getting back to his old self; the disassociation that once consumed him finally wearing off some. He could address himself in first person more comfortably, look in the mirror and see _himself_ , and understand that who he used to be and who he was now were the same entity.

He was Tyler Robert Joseph, and he was alive.

Looking down at Jenna made him grateful that he was, too.

Even with his limited memory, he knew loving her had been the greatest experience of his life.

She gave him a look, "What?"

"Nothing. I just like looking at you."

She smiled, lifting her upper body just enough to kiss him.

He may never get to actually marry her, but she was his for right now, and that was enough.

They ordered a pizza, and after eating, got back to work at unpacking the last remaining boxes. It was a full day's project, but they got it done relatively quick. All that was left to do was to hang a few things on the walls, get rid of the cardboard, and assemble the electric drum kit- which Josh currently did in his bedroom.

Tyler walked up behind him, "Good thing it's not acoustic, huh?"

Josh snorted, "My neighbors would kill me."

He laughed, but it was short lived, "You know... I never heard you play. I mean, I most likely have, but..."

"I know what you meant." Josh said as he attached one of the rubber symbols to a stand, "Hey, can you hand me the pedal next to your feet?"

No reply.

"Tyler?" He turned to see the boy staring with glazed eyes at the wall. He got up and waved his hand in front of his face, "Tyler?!"

The boy flinched, "What?"

"Dude, you like... zoned out, or something."

Tyler rubbed his face, "I did?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm just tired." 

Josh eyed him suspiciously, "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. So, are you going to finish putting that thing together so I can hear you?"

Josh laughed, picking up the pedal and setting it into place, "I guess. If you want me to."

"I do."

Then it dawned on him, and he didn't know why he hadn't thought of it sooner. 

Josh was both ecstatic and nervous, but he didn't let it show. He didn't want to say anything, because he didn't want to make Tyler nervous. If this was going to work, it wouldn't take any preparation or forewarning. It would just happen. 

This had to work. 

He _needed_ it to work.

Josh plugged the chord in and moved the stool to a comfortable distance. After a few minor adjustments, he turned the kit on and picked up a set of worn-out drum sticks.

He twirled one in his hand and looked over his shoulder at Tyler, who sat cross-legged on the bed.

He took a deep breath and began.

Josh started with a simple beat to get warmed up, adding a few ghost notes here and there on the snare. He built the beat into something new, did a fill that ended with the sound of cymbals resonating throughout the room, and immersed himself so deep into what he was doing that he almost forgot Tyler was even behind him.

He closed his eyes and made involuntary movements with his head, letting everything he had built up inside flow out through his hands and feet. 

Happiness, sadness, anger... it all transformed into kinetic energy. It all transformed into sound.

One week had been too long, and Josh felt like he could go on for hours. It was the most therapeutic thing in the world, but he would have to save it for another day.

He did one last fill before hitting the cymbals again, leaning forward and crossing his arms to ride out the momentum.

He smiled as he straightened back up, "How was that?"

The lack of response made him spin around, worried at first until he saw why.

There were wet streak marks running down Tyler's face, but they couldn't have been caused by sadness. Not with a smile like that.

The drumsticks slipped out of Josh's hands, "Did... did you..."

Tyler chuckled, wiping his face as he nodded.

Josh leapt up, hugging his friend tighter than he ever had before.

Crying almost harder than he ever had before.

~~**|/**~~

Tyler woke up with an agonizing headache the next morning.

He threw up.

He didn't tell Jenna.

He didn't tell anyone.

He thanked God when it finally went away, and dismissed it as nothing.

~~**|/**~~

A few hours later, Tyler found himself back at Josh's. The usual, boring work day for everyone except him- but due to circumstances at the arena, Josh had wound up with an unexpected day off.

Most of the morning was spent in Josh's bedroom as he messed around on the drums, and Tyler on the keyboard- a wonderful, yet surreal thing to be doing again. 

"Redemption's not that far... and darkness... is going down? Are those the right words?"

"Yea, that's Glowing Eyes." Josh said as he spun around on the drum stool to face him.

"There's another one that's been stuck in my head, too... the dark's not taking prisoners tonight?"

"Ode to Sleep."

Tyler exhaled with a nod, "Who knew remembering your own songs could be so difficult."

"Well, you're doing good so far... Can you keep playing that one you were before?"

"But it doesn't have any drums in it."

"So? I like listening to you."

Tyler pulled the keyboard closer, "Alright."

And so he began to play.

Josh imagined Tyler up on a stage, preforming in front of a crowd- a bigger one than they ever had before, sitting behind an actual piano. 

A different time, and a different place where their dreams had actually come true. 

"I'm in your mind... I'm singin'... I'm in your mind... I'm sing-" Tyler suddenly stopped and covered an eye with his hand.

"Are you okay?" Josh asked.

"Yea... yea, I'm fine. Just a little headache."

"A headache?"

He nodded.

"When did it start? How bad is it?"

Tyler grew slightly aggitated by his persistent questioning, "Josh. It's _not_ a big deal. It's just one of those... annoying ones, right behind your eye."

Josh's worried gaze went unchanged.

"Dude, I'm not dying."

Josh sighed and finally looked away.

Of course he was worried, but he had to trust Tyler. Maybe a migraine was all it was- just one of the many symptoms Debby spoke of. 

Not likely, but still a possibility.

No.

If it was something to be worried about, it would be obvious. Tyler would know.

Nothing was wrong.

Tyler hit a few notes absentmindedly for a while, changing their order and going up in key until it started to sound like something. He was trying to take his focus away from the throbbing pain. Away from the undeniable fear for what it could mean, but he had to keep faith.

He didn't want to panic and scare Josh, but luckily, just like earlier- the headache subsided.

Now able to think clearily, Tyler began to fine-tune his creation. Josh even found himself tapping out a quiet beat as he played it, up until the notes worked their way down the scale and back to where they started.

Tyler smiled, "Hey, that didn't sound too bad... let's play it again."

And so they did- even better the second time through.

"I so have an idea for a song." Tyler slid the keyboard over and climbed off the bed.

Josh grinned, "Where are you going?"

"I gotta grab my uke. Is it still in the guest room?"

"Yea, it should be." Josh went back to playing and experimenting with different beats. 

Whatever idea was floating around in Tyler's head would surely turn into a masterpiece just like the rest. It always started off as either a line or two of poetry, or a few chords that rubbed together nicely, and Josh would always be left listening to something so unique and powerful in the end.

Just like Before You Start Your Day. Just like March to the Sea. Just like Isle of Flightless Birds. 

Just like every other song Tyler had ever written in the past. 

"Did you find it?" Josh called out.

There was no response, so he stopped playing and listened closely.

"Tyler?"

There was nothing but silence.

Josh stood up slowly, setting the sticks down before he cautiously walked out of the room.

"Tyler?" He checked back and forth and started to panic, calling his name again as he headed around the corner to the other bedroom. 

As he got closer, he could hear faint mumbling.

"You're in my mind..."

No, it was  _singing._

There was a flow, even though the voice behind it was weak.

"...la da, la da, la da..."

Josh slammed into the doorway, gripping the sides to stop as he swung into the room. 

Tyler was on the ground, slouched against the wall with the ukulele upside down in front of him. Blood was trickling out of his nose, past his mouth, and onto his shirt as he stared ahead with distant eyes. 

Josh couldn't move.

He couldn't react.

He could only stare.

"...la da, da." Tyler finished as he rested his head back against the wall, "Josh... I don't think it's just a headache."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t kill me for this cliffhanger


	6. Into the Dark

Josh remembered seeing a yellow tarp.

He remembered seeing a pale, bloody hand slide out from under it as four men placed it onto a stretcher.

He remembered watching, unable to look away as Jenna's screams and cries filled his head.

But there was no yellow tarp this time.

Instead, Josh trailed behind an ambulance that had its lights and sirens going- glancing up through the back window to see figures frantically moving about inside.

Up, down, up, down, up, down.

Josh looked away when he realized what that motion meant, and he fought back the tears that began to blur his vision.

**~~|/~~ **

Numb.

His senses.

His emotions.

His legs from sitting in a waiting room chair for far too long.

Everything was numb.

Zack was pacing, his hood drawn up to hide away from the world. Madison, nervously watching as her brother passed in front of her. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph sitting close, their arms wrapped together as they comforted each other with sad, tired eyes. Jenna with her leg resting up on another chair, curled into herself as much as she could be with her eyes closed, but most likely not asleep.

And Jay, who was no where to be found.

A hand taking his caused Josh's thoughts to slow down just enough to process his surroundings and come out of the fog.

"Are you okay?" Halsey asked.

Josh shook his head.

"I meant are you physically okay? You haven't said anything this whole time... you've barely even blinked."

"I'm not okay... I'll never be if he..."

Halsey tightened her grip and Josh bowed his head.

He could feel the beginning of a panic attack set in, so he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

This room was crowded. There were too many people. Too many problems. Too much noise.

Josh stood up, gently pulling his hand away.

"What are you doing?"

"I just need to be alone for a minute."

**~~|/~~ **

Dark, wooden pews lined both sides of the aisle Josh walked down in the dark-lit room. If there was a quiet place, away from all the chaos and over-sterilization that was the rest of the hospital, an empty chapel would be it.

It was the only place he could think of.

He took a seat in the second row and continued to take slow, deep breaths.

The air didn't feel so heavy here.

Things didn't feel so out of control.

He looked up at the cross which hung before him, checking over his shoulder one last time to make sure he was still alone.

He leaned forward, resting his head against his arms as he crossed them over the top of the seat in front of him, "God... if you're out there... if you're real... and I think that you are... I _hope_ that you are... please don't do this to me." Tears dripped down onto his sleeves, "Please don't take him away from me again."

**~~|/~~ **

Josh returned to the waiting room and headed for his seat, but the cluster of chairs around it were also empty.

He was confused for a moment, but before he could take another step, a soft voice came from his side, "Josh."

Halsey jogged over and led him back to where the others were gathered- huddled next to a set of double doors.

The ringing in his ears returned as he noticed their faces.

Noticed the somber-looking doctor standing with them.

Just like in Debby's office, he could only pick up bits and pieces of what was being said; watching lips move, but not hearing much at all.

_Resuscitated..._

_Coma..._

_Stable for now..._

_Running tests..._

Now Mrs. Joseph was speaking.

Josh watched her tremble as she tried to conceal her heartbreak.

He flinched when a hand touched his back, turning quickly to see an upset Jenna. She was seeking comfort and reassurance from the only other person in the room who understood, but he had been too self-absorbed.

Josh immediately snapped out of it and pulled her in, holding her tight as she pressed her face into his chest.

"Wait, you don't even know what's happening to him?" Mrs. Joseph asked.

"We suspect it's something neurological. We're working with a specialist right now to try and figure it out... I can assure you- we're doing everything that we can."

"When can we see him?" Jenna had barely calmed down enough to ask.

"We're transferring him to the ICU now, but after that- whenever you're ready. We just can't take more than two of you in at a time."

It was certainly better news than of his passing- so why did Josh feel so inconsolable? So helpless? So incompetent of everything besides just standing there, which he wasn't even doing very well to begin with.

He wanted to drop to the ground.

He wanted to yell until his lungs gave out.

He walked with an arm around Jenna, following the others out of the waiting room. He ended up in another section of the hospital with no memory of how he even got there.

**~~|/~~ **

Josh bounced his leg anxiously and watched as the second hand on the clock spun around and around; signaling that time was, in fact, passing- although it felt like it wasn't at all.

He was offered a turn to go in after Mrs. Joseph and Jenna, but he had turned it down. He insisted that everybody else go first, but after several rotations of that second hand, Halsey and Maddy had returned.

Josh couldn't delay it any longer, but there was something inside him that was terrified- as if seeing Tyler could make things any worse, or even more real.

Harsh, unmerciful reality was waiting for him just beyond those closed doors- because death didn't discriminate. It didn't care about relationships. It didn't care about plans. It didn't care about best friends, second chances, or anything at all- and seeing Tyler would just confirm it.

Josh would see his best friend standing on death's doorstep, but he wouldn't be able to take his hand and lead him away from that fate.

If only it were that simple.

Josh stood nervously as Halsey approached, "How... how is he?"

The answer was obvious, but he had no clue how else to phrase what he meant.

Halsey wiped her eyes and put on a brave face, "He's, well... you know..." She spoke even quieter, "There's machines."

Josh wasn't sure why that hadn't crossed his mind. Of course Tyler wasn't just laying peacefully in a bed somewhere.

He couldn't move. Couldn't breathe on his own. Couldn't speak.

Could he hear?

Could he think?

Josh’s distressing thoughts were interrupted by a nurse who stood waiting at the door that lead into the ICU, "Sir, did you want to see him?"

Someone might as well have asked him a complex math equation, because he didn't know the answer- but there he was again, self-absorbed and only thinking about himself.

Tyler wasn't fortunate enough to even reach the hospital last time, let alone have an ever-so thin possibility of pulling through it. If Josh had been given the opportunity after the accident to see his friend one last time with a still beating heart, he would have taken it.

So why was he acting like this now?

Tyler was in there.

Josh needed to be with him.

He hugged Halsey and headed for the door.

**~~|/~~ **

Josh stopped abruptly in the doorway, searching deep within his soul for the strength to keep moving forward.

The sounds of the monitors and ventilator.

The sight of the tube running out of Tyler's mouth.

The contrast of his skin tone against the white sheets.

The lack of movement, even as the nurse spoke.

"Will you be okay by yourself?"

Josh nodded his head, giving her a quick glance. She didn't appear to buy it as she remained in the same spot, keeping a watchful eye on him as he made his way to the side of the bed and sat down in a chair.

He looked down at the IV in Tyler's hand. His eyes traveled to his tattoos, past the light-blue material of his hospital gown, and up to his face; half-hidden beneath a plastic device that held the tube in place.

His closed eyes were relaxed, showing no pain or discomfort- as if he were taking a nap. As if he might suddenly pull up on the sheets, change position, and fall back into a dream.

Maybe even wake up if Josh touched him.

But he didn't, not even as his hand was lifted up. The warmth of the contact was reassuring in a way to Josh, but how Tyler's fingers remained limp on top of his own was what did him in.

Josh let out a sob, bringing his head down to rest against the top of Tyler's hand.

"I'm so sorry."

He didn't know why he felt the need to apologize, or what exactly he was apologizing for, but the words came out in a shaky whisper.

Maybe he felt like this was his fault, or that something could have been done differently. Maybe he felt bad that Tyler couldn't just live the life he deserved, and was instead stuck in this twisted, sick loop of death and dying.

It had been such a struggle for Tyler to regain what memory he had and to rebuild from the ashes of a former life, and here he was- stuck in a state of limbo. Waiting for a miracle.

Josh silently prayed for one.

An undetermined amount of time passed before he gently placed Tyler's hand back down on the bed, still holding onto it. He stood, and with one last look at his sleeping friend, let go and began to walk away.

The nurse stopped him at the door, "You should try talking to him more next time. You never know... he might be listening."

Josh looked over his shoulder, what she said reverberating inside him, "Okay... Thank you."

**~~|/~~ **

Josh slept in the waiting room with Jenna and Zack that night.

**~~|/~~ **

The early morning sunlight shone through the tall windows that lined the hallway, diluting the glow of the incandescent bulbs in the ceiling and making everything appear a little less bleak.

With a bitter coffee in his hand and nothing but socks on his feet, Josh wondered aimlessly just for something to do. Just for something to pass the time until it was eight thirty- when visiting hours began.

Apparently Jenna had the same idea as she came towards him from the opposite side, smiling slightly, “Hey.”

“Hey.” Josh echoed in the same tired tone.

“Where’d you get the coffee?”

“There’s a stand over by the cafeteria.” He took a sip and scrunched up his face, “But it tastes like crap.”

“I don’t even care right now. I just need something to fill my stomach.”

“They had food there, too. I can go back and get you something if you-”

“No thanks. I’m not hungry... and I could use the exercise. I’m sick of sitting.”

Josh nodded, “Definitely gonna have to agree with you... but are you sure? With your crutches?”

”Oh, I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry.”

Josh nodded again, “So... how are you holding up?”

She shrugged, “Have to take it day by day... I just want to be in there with him right now.”

Another thing they could agree on.

"How about you?”

Josh shifted, about to say something, but changed it at the last second, “I’m okay.”

His voice wasn’t confident, but Jenna didn’t pursue it.

He stared down at the lid of his coffee cup, “I should get back to Zack.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay.”

**~~|/~~ **

It was later that same day, when Josh was on his way over to Tyler’s room, that he stumbled across Zack standing down the hall with Jay.

Surprised, and a little too heated to approach the other brother after the way he had treated Tyler, Josh decided to hang back. He kept out of sight, but could over hear Jay as he hugged Zack.

As he cried.

“I acted like such an asshole to him, and now I can’t even take it back... he probably thinks I hate him after all the shit I said... oh, God... I don’t want him to die...”

Zack could only cry with him.

Josh bit his lip and walked away, figuring it was best to come back later.

For now, they just needed space.

**~~|/~~ **

It didn't take long for the cards to start piling up on the window sill. The ICU had a rule against them, as well as flowers, but they were letting it slide. Even in his state of unconsciousness, Tyler had managed to become very well liked by the hospital staff that took care of him on a regular basis.

They all knew Josh by now, and it didn't take long for him to learn most of their names as well.

Learning to navigate the hospital without the use of any signs was another side affect from being there too much, but too much still felt like not enough; Josh never wanted to leave Tyler's side, afraid something bad would happen in the time that he was gone, but work wasn't necessarily an option.

He would stop at home for a shower afterwards, and then it was right back to the hospital again.

This was his routine now, granted it wasn’t the easiest or healthiest.

And apparently it had taken more than just a mental toll on him.

The nurse, who Josh had come to know as Kim, walked up to him in the waiting room with a bag over her shoulder- heading out after a long shift.

She took a seat next to him as he sat up from the makeshift bench he laid on.

“Hey.” Josh greeted, forcing himself to sound more upbeat than he was.

“Hey.” She looked over at him, “So, how many nights does this make?”

“I don’t know... since he’s been here.”

“Doesn’t your back hurt?”

That was definitely the least of his concerns.

“Not really.”

“I promise he’ll still be taken care of without you here. You really should go home and try to get a good night’s sleep in an actual bed.” He tried to talk, but she cut him off, “I know it’s hard, and I know you really don’t want to leave... but you have to try and take care of yourself, too. Okay?

Josh didn’t answer, but he also didn’t protest. He had heard it from Halsey and everyone else already, but having someone like Kim say the same thing made him realize that taking a break might not be such a bad thing.

Maybe just for this one night.

**~~|/~~ **

Josh flipped on the lights and took a look around.

It was funny how a waiting room felt more like home than this place now.

Everything had been left the same as it was from almost a week ago; Red Bull cans and empty bags of chips sat on the coffee table with game controllers, the television turned slightly out of position to face the couch better. The ukulele still on the ground next to a few specks of dried blood on the carpet. The laptop, still open on Josh’s bed next to the keyboard.

The only thing Josh had done was turn off the instruments. Everything else had been preserved.

He picked up the keyboard and gently placed it next to the wall. He unplugged the laptop from its charger and went to set it down as well, but the screen illuminated.

After a moment, he sat down and rested it on his lap- looking over the two programs that had been left open. One was for recording and editing music, the other was iTunes.

As Josh scrolled through the wide variety of songs and artists that Tyler enjoyed, he thought of something.

 

_“You never know... he might be listening.”_

 

Josh searched through the bedroom until he found his old iPod and the cable that went with it. He plugged it into the laptop and transferred all of the music onto it.

He double checked the iPod before powering off the laptop and setting it over by the keyboard.

He found headphones, plugged the iPod in to charge, and turned off the lights.

And he fell asleep listening to Tyler’s music.

 _Love of mine, someday you will die,_  
_But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark,_  
_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white,  
Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark,_

  
_If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,_  
_And illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs,_  
_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,  
Then I'll follow you into the dark._


End file.
